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The Six Essential Aspects of Love

Take the test (link below) and find out how where your relationship stands. You will receive an informative personal response from us within 24-48 hours with helpful suggestions on how to improve your relationship—including recognition for what is working well. We respect your time and intelligence, so this is not a canned or automated reply.

The first three areas you will measure are those we typically associate with falling in love. There is a cultural meme that suggests that these fade over time; that passion, in particular, is not sustainable in long term relationships. We emphatically disagree with this unimaginative and prejudicial belief—the misguided perspective that passionate love is the sole prerogative of youth and those newly in love.

It is true that in the absence of attention, our desires for each other can fade in the stresses and challenges of everyday life. Passion certainly suffers when hurts occur that are not cleared up; then resignation can become a way of life. None of this is necessary. All marriages have ups and downs, however in a great relationship there is an increase in the following three areas over time.

Deep comradely connection as develops between those who have been in action together. Includes loyalty and generosity, as well as the willingness to be open and share your emotions.

Experiencing each other as sources of entertainment and delight. Playful affection and enjoyment (as between children), for example laughing, bantering, dancing, and having fun.

Sexual and erotic desire, including fire and surrender, intensity and transformation. Far-reaching physical and emotional intimacy. Passionate connection.

The remaining three areas are the life blood of long term relationships. Great marriages provide the means and, equally important, the incentive for increasing self-awareness and compassion for others.

Self-love in the sense that being emotionally and psychologically fit and well, and having a healthy sense of self-worth is essential to being able to love others.

The deep and essential pragmatism and compassionate understanding that develops in long term relationships. The readiness to compromise and adapt, show patience and tolerance.

The willingness to sacrifice and contribute in service of the larger good, for example parenting or volunteering. Love that transcends self-centered considerations and can create an enduring positive legacy.

FREE Relationship Assessment

The six essential aspects of love have been recognized since ancient times. They are:

  • Friendship

  • Pleasure

  • Passion

  • Self-care

  • Enduring Love

  • Purpose

The assessment consists of seven questions in each category. We will reflect on your responses and get back to you in person for a 30-40 minute personalized response on how to improve your relationship. Please send your info on the form below when taking the survey, so we will know how to best contact you with a response.

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